"It's not you . . . actually, yeah, it's you."
True friends are not like clothes?you don?t toss ?em out just because they?re out of style. That said, every guy has at least one or two buddies that, sooner or later, will go the way of the cargo shorts or Birkenstocks you wore back in college. You?ve just outgrown them.
And that?s OK, because while research has shown that positive relationships both improve your health and extend your life, negative relationships have just the opposite effect, according to a new study from the University of Utah. Put simply, stressful or frustrating friendships can be unhealthy, the Utah research shows.
So how do you know when it?s time to punt on a friendship? Here are the nine types of friends you might have to dump?and how to let them down easy. (For more guy wisdom and great life advice, sign up for our FREE Best Life newsletter.)
1. The Player
He?s about one thing and one thing only: getting laid. You loved having him around during your single years, but he?s still gunning for new ?conquests? every weekend, and your wife thinks he?s an ass. You love the guy, but his routine has been stale since Clinton was still in office.
Keep or cut: ?Your friend isn?t a bad guy. He?s simply at a different phase of life than you are,? says Irene Levine, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of Best Friends Forever.? You don?t have to stop hanging out with him completely, but you do have to put the concerns of your wife or girlfriend first, explains?Guy Blews, author of Smack Therapy and Realistic Relationships. ?Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you?d feel if she kept going out with the town slut,? Blews says. ?You?d worry, and you?d be right.? Blews advises letting The Player play his game with someone else for a while. ?You?ll be able to reconnect again when he settles down,? Levine adds.
2. The Sports Fanatic
He watches every game?pro or college?in all four major sports . . . plus soccer. When he?s not updating his fantasy team, he?s emailing you ESPN.com articles or calling to ask whether he should bet $100 on the Vikings this weekend.?You used to be as passionate about sports as he is, but now you?ve got more important things to think about, like a kid and a mortgage.
Keep or cut: ?If you have any desire to find a successful, lasting relationship with a member of the opposite sex, step far away from the sports fanatic,? Blews recommends?only half joking. Levine says ignoring the guy?s constant stream of sports-related phone calls and texts is a good start. He?ll get the message. And if he doesn?t, be blunt. ?Tell him you?re busy at work or at home, or drop other hints that sports aren?t top of mind for you right now,? she says. If that doesn?t work? Let him go. You can talk pigskin with your son anyway.
3. The Single Guy
He?s a hell of a nice guy, but he just can?t seem to find the right person. He also feels the need to talk to you about it constantly, bemoaning his perpetual singledom. You feel bad that you haven?t been able to successfully set him up, but after endless introductions and nights spent as a wing man, there?s only so much you can do.
Keep or cut: Forget subtlety. Tell your friend that life is about more than landing the right woman, and he needs to find some other hobbies in order to be appeal to another person?babe?or bro, Levine says. Either way, tell him you?re done counseling him on relationship woes, Blews adds. ?He?s probably just looking for a shoulder to cry on anyway, so let him blunder his way through things without wasting your time.? Ouch. (Are you the single guy? Discover how to?Land the Woman of Your Dreams.)
4. The Creep
His defining characteristic: totally skeezing your wife out. Sure, he?s funny and he shares your sense of humor, but there?s something about him that reminds you of your less than sterling single days. (The less said about them, the better.) He?s a bad drinker, and he?s done things to or around women that you?d never mention to the Mrs., even though you?re pretty sure he?s harmless . . . probably.
Keep or cut: Unfortunately, some people never grow up, Levine says. ?Life?s too short to spend time with someone you don?t respect and who makes you feel bad?about yourself or your past.? Yes, you may have some shared history and he may make you laugh, but you?re better off without him, she says. ?Separate him from any and all females you have any loving, caring, or protective feelings toward,? Blews adds. ?That includes your mother.?
5. The Old Man
He?s in a hurry to be his father. He was married by 24, and had two kids and a golf club membership by 28. He loves talking about his 401k. His idea of a wild night out is dinner with the wives, a drink afterward at the bar, and home by 10. You appreciate how responsible and mellow he?s become, but you?re not quite ready to pack it in and commit the next 30+ years to playing golf and mowing the lawn.
Keep or cut: This friend can help you get a glimpse of your future, and so he?s a living reminder that you shouldn?t be in such a hurry to get there, Levine says. There?s no reason to break things off, but hang out with him sparingly?like when you need to talk with someone about a big decision, she says. Just don?t subject your wife or girlfriend to his yawn-ologies on personal finance or ?Skins games, Blews advises. (Spice up any friendship?by heading outdoors. Click here to Find Your Next Adventure.)
6. The Cheater
He?s a great friend, and everybody loves him. He?s charismatic and charming, and he?s with a fantastic, funny woman. Your girlfriend gets along great with him and his partner, but there?s one small problem: He?s a shameless, habitual two-timer. You?ve seen him cheat on his girl?or at least try to?every time you?re out on the town without your women, and you know one of these days he?s going to get you in a lot of trouble.
Keep or cut: If you don?t stop hanging out with this guy, you?re going to pay the price, Blews says. Even if you?re not with him when he cheats, you?ll be smeared by association, he adds. If he?s a close friend and you don?t want to send him packing, you have to be upfront with your partner about his behavior, Levine adds. ?Tell your wife or girlfriend about his tendencies and let her know that you only accept these behaviors because they are part of a package,? Levine recommends. But if she?s not cool with that? ?He has to go,? Blews says.
7. The Loser
He?s loyal and dependable, but he?s headed nowhere in a hurry. He?s never had a steady paycheck or even really knew what he wanted out of life, and that doesn?t look like it?s going to change any time soon. He?s always depressed. He plays video games, watches movies, smokes pot . . . and that?s about it.
Keep or cut: ?Don?t be an enabler,? Levine says. Translation: Don?t join him for a Bond movie marathon this weekend. Instead, drop the hint that he needs to talk to someone who can help him gain some direction, like a therapist or a career counselor, Levine advises. Also, try to engage him in something more meaningful and active, like taking a hike or attending a career fair. And if he?s not interested in changing? ?Let go, but be gentle,? Blews recommends.
8. The Living-in-the-Past Friend
You?ve known this guy since high school, and most of the time it feels like he?s still back there. He?s constantly referencing funny stuff that happened to you ?that one time sophomore year,? or ?when you asked that older guy to buy you beer.? It?s fun to reminisce once in a while, but you?re pretty damn tired of hearing jokes about your 11th grade math teacher.
Keep or cut: ?Don?t let him drag his past into your present,? Blews says, adding that this advice holds true for romantic relationships as well. You?re either moving forward or falling behind, he says. ?Friendships can?t be sustained only on old memories,? Levine adds. ?If you like him, plan some new adventures together.? And if neither of you are interested in that? ?Relegate your relationship to a once-a-year get-together over beers,? Blews says. ?That?s what the holidays are for.?
9. The Undependable Dude
He says he?ll be there at 6 but shows up at 8?if at all. You make weekend plans and he bails at the last minute, without offering to pay for the ticket you bought for him. Every time you get together you have a great time, but you can?t count on him, and that?s becoming a problem now that you have a career, a partner, and better things to do than wait around to see whether he?ll show up.
Keep or cut: Read him the riot act, Levine advises. ?He may simply be clueless about his behavior, and so could turn it around.? Or just start showing up late yourself, Blews says. If he doesn?t get the message, it?s probably time to say sayonara, Blews adds. (For more subtle clues it?s time to she your pal, here are 7 Reasons to End a Friendship.)
If you like this story, you?ll love these:
Source: http://news.menshealth.com/9-friends-you-should-dump/2012/10/23/
new nfl uniforms easter derbyshire the matrix oceans 11 ferris state hockey mary poppins
No comments:
Post a Comment